Sewing

Here's a pic of my little sister's curtains for her baby. I told her the fabric looks great in my kitchen. I can't wait to see them hanging in Charlie's room. They really are happy little curtains.

Boo-hiss

I'm trying to get it back together, but it's been difficult. My house has been a mess for weeks, my menu plans are thrown together and not my best efforts...I'm a mess and working really hard to move on. I dyed my hair dark. Why? Because when I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself. Didn't help. I still don't see Gina. I look rough, I feel rough. I'll feel better in the spring. I'm sure of it. I will have had time to heal and will be all caught up in gardening and yard projects. We discussed moving the garden a while back and I think it will be a good idea. It was getting too much shade last year and it needs to be on the other side of the house, out of sight from Mindy's grave or I'll be sobbing in the dirt for the first week of planting.

I feel old. Not like, physically, but mentally I feel my age. That hasn't been the case in the past. The 20 year class reunion was a reality check. So was the death of a pet that I've had for 15 years. I think the kicker is that I feel like I'm losing someone. It's no drama, just life. I am 38 and I feel 38 and I'm not embracing it. I have gray hair, dark circles under my eyes (anemia), thank goodness for the exercise because if I didn't recognize my body, I'd really be flipping the fuck out right now! Crap, I think I'm going through a hard-core identity crisis. Doesn't surprise me. I have a tendency to suppress most meltdowns and this one has been building up for a while. I'd say about 6 months. I'm sure it's all been chronicled in these blogs. PS I hate my hair. It's not it's fault.

Well, If That Don't Beat All

So, I was discussing Robin's shower with Allison today, when all of the sudden I got a friend request.....from Lesley. I'll be shit. She felt the need to give all her friends an explanation for blocking/deleting them, like they care. Yes, I accepted. She's my brat sister and I love her. The relentless photo taking and misconception that facebook is twitter has already begun, not that I thought it ever stopped. She still had a facebook, but it was only open to her punk-ass thugs and whores. Ugh! I will need to stay off facebook now. I can't take it. I just don't want to see her foolishness. I will just change my notifications to alert me through email if I have a fb message, instead of logging in every morning to check. No biggie.

Cabin Fever Crazy Quilt

I have not left the house since Saturday. I can go several days without going anywhere, especially if I'm messing around in the yard. In the summertime, I usually only manage to leave the house once a week to get groceries. Suits me just fine to hang out on the porch, mow the lawn, play in the dirt. Being couped up makes me crazy. We had some sex, played xbox, built a snowman, played xbox, snuggled dogs, ate all the food in the house and then, I pieced a quilt. I drug Lee up to my sewing room and made him pick out nine fabrics he could live with to make it. I made him do the math, to help me decide how large the blocks should be to make the monstrosity. I've always wanted a quilt that would not just fit our king-size bed, but drape down the sides and foot. I did it! It's width is 10.5 ft wide and 8.5 ft long and I haven't added the border yet. Insane! But gorgeous and what I've always wanted to do. I began a pin wheel quilt about 10 years ago. The squares were small, I didn't have a machine back then and it's in an Americana theme that I could just never use in my bedroom. Perhaps I will make some throw pillows with them or something. I'm finishing this quilt today! I started it Tuesday night. I went into it without high expectations. About every other project I these days gets tossed aside halfway through. I love redecorating my bedroom. Back when I worked I bought a new bedding set twice a year. They are all over my house. I have so many that some are stored between Robin and Eric's mattress and box springs in their bedroom upstairs. If you want to say I hoard bedding, that would be true. I don't "collect" one other thing. I still have the comforter that my mom and dad bought in high school. Prior to that I'd always shared a bed with someone. But when I asked for a room in the basement, and they obliged, I got my first comforter. Hooked! It is a very fluffy peach twin, with a large peach eyelet ruffle. Love! It doesn't fit any bed I own, but I usually drape it across something. I have given some bedding away over the years. I'm not stingy, but I always want the bedding to go to a good home and be loved. Okay, that sounds nuts. And being that I can describe all my bedding in detail makes me think I may have a problem. Whatever. Mommaw had all kinds of quilts stored and my Grandmother Lois loves her pretty bedding, too. I come by it honestly. Can't wait to make a chunky quilt with a combination of bright green and grey blocks, splashes of cream, too, for our room this spring. Lovely! Who needs a quilt?

Here's a pic. It definitely needs quilting. Right now it's just acting as a duvet. I'm not feeling the curtains, lol, I will have to decided which ones to use. Love the pattern. Not sure about my decision to used satin, although it was easy to work with. While neutral is nice, some of this just isn't working for me. The next one will be tweaked for sure.

Resolutions

I don't really make them anymore. I've just about given up all my vices...to the point that I am a terrible bore. Hell, I don't even know why I blog anymore. So I was reading an article in my Southern living this morning, explaining why southern men should resolve, and I wondered if I should have made a resolution. I don't really feel like causing myself undue stress with a resolution that would benefit others, such as being on time. Hmmm, that would be a good one. I've been late most of my life. I missed the school bus all the time, had to trick myself with an incorrectly set alarm clock in order to get to work on time...not early, just by the hair of my neck, and am usually late to every family event 30 minutes to an hour. I'm not a morning person and I'm OCD, in a funny way I think, not in a crazy, debilitating way. When the making it to work by the skin of my teeth got to bothering me, I would just begin trying to make it to work 30 minutes early. I should begin prepping for Lee's breakfast and lunch the night before. Not the eggs, just the meat and lunch. Okay, so I resolve to think ahead, because my brain doesn't work well in the morning.

I refuse to put restrictions on the food I eat or what I drink because I already have to watch that. I don't eat sugar. I limit my carbs. I don't drink like I used to, like I like to, because it messes with my blood sugar levels and most of the time I end up a very mean drunk. One minute I'm smiling, laughing, then I'm mad about nothing and calling someone an asshole during a blackout. Blackouts are scary as hell. If I had a deep dark secret, you could probably ask me, I'd tell the absolute truth and not have the slightest recollection. I remember the first time it happened, in Memphis, I woke up not being able to recall showering, making Lee hang my clothes, and having sex with him. All my idea, I'm sure. The last thing I remember is getting in the cab to leave the martini bar, sort of. I gained the rest of the information by asking Lee questions beginning with "Why..." Why is my hair wet? Why are my panties hanging up? ....you get the picture.

I think I will wear bras this year. I hate the damn things. Mostly because they don't fit me. I have a drawer full of Very Sexy bras in various colors from when I weighed more. They don't fit now. My boobs shrunk. I lost the fatty inches around my ribs. They just slide around and annoy me. I didn't see a need in buying new bras for the longest time after I quit work and lost weight. Recently I've found some sports bras that fit. It's difficult to find one that will slide over my boobs but will still be tight around my ribs.

I will throw out things we don't need. I will find something to take to Goodwill, or just trash if I don't think anyone would need it, every week. There's a resolution. It will make our home a better place to live and perhaps help others, too.

I will turn off the tv after Live with Regis & Kelly goes off, because Rachel Ray sucks me in and, then, I look up to find that I've been listening to the useless bullshit Dr Oz and his quack guests are filling people's heads with while I'm finishing up my blog. I like Rachel, but it seems that she is the gateway show to Dr. Oz. Dr. Oz is creepy.