heh

Wow! It's been a long time since I managed to blog. Life is busy, I am crabby, and our house is filthy! I realized that I want to work, want to play, and haven't set aside any time to really get down to the nitty-gritty in our home. Mainly it's the floors that are suffering. And do they ever with two dogs. Ollie doesn't shed, but he tracks leaves and grass in like little hitch-hikers on his furry little body. Ruby sheds. If I can keep from letting a pile of unfolded laundry and dirty floors from getting me down, all is good. Clean floors REALLY make me HAPPY, though. So, Facebook decided to really screw up any enjoyment one might get from it's social network about the time Google launched Google+.....or did Google know that Facebook was fixing to screw the pooch royally with their newest changes and piss everyone off (as usual), and were waiting for such an occasion to launch. Hmmmm. Regardless, I have always been hating on fb, but I'm there because that's where all my friends and community are. I don't even mind if everyone doesn't go to Google+. I find it more interesting. Going to see Les Misérables with Lee and Robin this weekend. Going to try to find something pretty to wear today. I have a major wardrobe problem since I went back to work. Hair problems, too. Went through a major identity crisis, I think, and regrettably wrecked my hair. It will fix, but it takes time. I get compliments, because it looks neat, but getting it to look like that takes so much time. GRRRRR, I'm quite the grouch this morning, huh? Here's to another day. Hope it's a good one for everyone. Get out and enjoy the beginning of some nice Alabama temps and fall beauty, oh, and don't forget to get scared a little. xo

Backwards People

Yesterday, I was told that the University of Alabama students were having a "tornado party" and that that was why the death toll was so high in Tuscaloosa. It was also insinuated that they were so drunk that they didn't know what hit them. I swear, it came across like the students that died deserved it. So many "Christians" in my family have it wrong. They are judgmental and hypocritical, as I think the statement speaks for itself. I get so sick of hearing backwards nonsense coming out of the mouths of people I know. I didn't believe the "story" because it sounds just like the crap I've been fed all my life. Sin is punished swiftly and the devil is gonna get you. But let's say it is true....that students were standing outside their apartments, drinking and watching the storm. They would have seen the mile wide beast coming, attempted to take cover, and there is no real way to guarantee you are hid from a EF-5 tornado, unless you are in a storm shelter. The whole thing bothers me and I just can't stop thinking about it. What is wrong with my people? I'm embarrassed that this story has probably been repeated 20 times, like it's fact.

My friend, Toni, has a daughter attending the school. Her and her roommate were in a bathtub, scared for their lives as the tornado came through. It was no joke to these girls. If the had died, would they have been judged for being college students?

Smartwater...Messywater

My constant complaints about my water spilling all over the place every time I open a new bottle sent my genius husband into a full-fledged science lesson the other night, explaining that my thoughts on the bottle being fully submerged when filled and capped off, are wrong :) Haha, most of my theories involve a little cartoon character with a light bulb flashing on above his head. I have a crappy memory and he remembers everything he's ever read. Everything. I don't even remember what he told me, even though I was paying attention. Something about molecules. Thank goodness he's pretty.

I love our talks :D

Addicted to Pandora

Particularly, what I call Blind Melon radio. It's so frickin' good! Lee has it rigged up on the TV in the kitchen, so I hit it as I pass to start the coffee in the morning. Lots of Led, Pumpkins, Nirvana, Jimi (loving me some Jimi, right now), Weezer, RHCP...good times. So awesome! Half the time, it never gets turned off. I listen all day, while working around the house. Beats shit television! At Robin's, a couple of weeks ago, I was sewing in the kitchen and realized something was bringing my mood down, it was 16 and Pregnant, really MTV? First of all, I remember when watching MTV was like being at the party. Second, I can't tell if the show is to reach teens as a lesson or to make money off the train-wrecks that these little girls have become. Perhaps, it began with good intentions. I watched Catelynn and Tyler make their difficult decision, bless their hearts. Think I was having my period because I remember squalling like a baby for them. But I never had an interest in the rest of the mess. I recall my high school English teacher, Ms. Vinson, explaining that she didn't care for reality, she has that in her everyday life. I think I have to agree with her, give me fantasy, something that requires a writer to use their imagination to entertain me. I prefer shiny.

Goings On

Gardening, sewing for baby Charlie, still running and I GOT AN AWESOME PART-TIME JOB!!!!! I have several projects that have had to be put on hold and I'm hating that. Unfinished project drive me crazy. But there is nothing that can be done about it, so I'll just have to suck it up for a while. I miss hiking :( Heck, I miss blogging. I'll figure out how to juggle everything shortly, because I want to.

Our goal of going a little greener with our yard is rolling along. We've planted a few things, dug up a few babies to transplant, and we haven't mowed yet....because we haven't had the time. The fruit trees are filling out nicely and our roses are gorgeous. So proud.

Charlie is growing like a weed. I made him a new cuddle-sack for this weekend and had to go up to the 3-6 month onesie! What a chunk! I need to find time to make the bunny I have planned for him. I sometimes feel bad that I don;t get to spend much time with my other two nephews, but I refuse to take total blame there. If their mom wasn't so sketchy, we'd probably hang out more.

I ran another 5k yesterday. The Mutt Strut was a well planned event. I'll be attending it again. It was held at Railroad Park. Dodging the poop was a new obstacle :) I got another headache. I got one after the last three I've participated in. It won't get me down, I'm to stubborn for that, but I am trying to figure out how to overcome it. I'll just keep on hydrating and much as possible and eventually I'll plateau and it won't be a thing....right? I'm designing a team shirt and getting a running team together. Got sponsors! I want dri-fit fabric, have to decide on colors, find a company to make them, and find out how many running friends want to be on the team.

A friend needed some help in the office of his body shop he just bought. Perfect fit for me and Lee, who was open to me working locally for a couple of days a week. I love it! Keep on thinking it's too good to be true. Ruby hates it!

I took Ruby and Oliver to the vet last week. How obnoxious is a bill for $405 for two perfectly healthy dogs. Really. I almost shit myself. What's the deal? I was so focused on keeping Mindy alive that I hadn't taken Ruby and Oliver to the doctor, well, probably since last May, when I took them for their rabies shots. So they were overdue for everything. I said catch them up and they did. Yikes! That will not happen again. Insane!

Baby Crazy

I think I have refrained from telling him I'm gonna eat him up, because that makes me feel like the evil, child eating witch from Hansel & Gretel story, but he's definitely going to know he's beautiful because I am constantly telling him that. Robin's baby is so sweet! Even when he's pissed to high heaven because seconds have passed since he realized it was time to eat; his cries are cute. And, oh yeah, I wondered if I would think his poop didn't stink, it doesn't. Every little thing he does is magic. I stayed away for a few days. Made him some newborn gowns to lounge in. I think about him all the time. I went to see them yesterday. Helped give him a bath. He didn't like it :( I certainly hope he grows accustomed to them. Although, if he come to play at Gigi's, he can get just as dirty as he wants. Oh, Charlie, we're going to have fun playing with you when you get a little bigger. Gosh, he's pretty!

Good Morning, Cake

Alrighty, then, old lady found the Pandora. Blind Melon Radio is AWESOME!!!!!!!
A golden bird that flies away,
A candle stickled flame, (Hey!)
To think I held you yesterday,
Your love was just a game.

Now Blister in the Sun is on:)

Haha! So old!

Having a hard time waking up this morning. I was snoozing so good when the radio went off. The crazy dreams have subsided. Maybe it was the carbs. I added carbs back to our diet for a few weeks. My sugar could have been going crazy in my sleep. It's happend before, but I dreamt of strange food combos.

MMMMM! This coffee is GOOD! Trying to decide if I should make my living room curtains today or if I should go see my Robbie. I wish I could run, but I've got the curse. I'd really like to go crawl back in that bed...nope, can't do it. If I go back to bed, then you know I'm bad off.

Suppose to rain today. Looked more like rain yesterday morning, but it didn't.

My attention span is that of a hound puppy this morning. My mind is 90 to nothin', and some of my thoughts stop short of a new idea.

Elizabeth Taylor died. I liked her acting. I watch her in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof over and over again. Maggie the Cat, trying to get her husband to give her some lovin'. Talking sweet to him, hoping all the spiteful words that have been said will be forgotten and he will grab her up and kiss her passionately. Snarling drunk, but beautiful Brick. A great work.

Your mother...

...And that's all I have to say about that. ...

Stupid Snakes

I'm terrified of snakes. I don't like insects and spiders, but I've learned to live with them. Snakes are on my mind daily, thanks to the upstairs bathroom incident. I know how it got in and that it can't happen again, but it doesn't stop me from looking behind the toilet, where the nasty thing was when I entered the bathroom that morning, undressed and hopped in the shower, and then in the closet where I caught it making it's escape under the door. GEEZ shiver....

So I woke up from a dead sleep about 5:30 this morning because I was dreaming that I was walking up our sidewalk when a rattlesnake that looked to be about 2 foot long, but really fat in the upper part of it's body came popping out of a hole near the porch, wiggling his tongue at me. He struck at me (seemed male) and rattled his buttons. Then, just as he began to chase me, I woke up. My dreams a vivid, huh? I do have a little anxiety about hiking and camping this summer. I'm afraid of heights, too, but I followed Eric up on top of that boulder this weekend. Haha, then wondered what I'd gotten myself into as I looked down and realized that I wasn't going to be able to stay up there and getting down might end up hurting. Thank goodness Eric helped me.

I'm afraid that a snake will bite me and it will hurt or kill me. The case is similar with heights. I'm not so much afraid of heights, just falling. Less cowardly and more smarts, I think. Still, I need to work on these things.

Lee leaning against the ladder to the loft at the Blue Mtn Shelter on the Pinhoti.
PS If anyone ever plays a snake related trick on me, I will never speak to you again. I'm thinking that a rubber snake prank would kill me though. My heart is beating irregularly just thinking about it.

Rain, rain, go away...

Life's a garden, dig it?

I shouldn't be wishing the rain away. I love it. It's so good for all things green. However, the darkness, chill in the air and soothing sound it makes doesn't make me want to leap to my feet in the morning. Poo! We had some good snuggles going when the alarm went off for the second time, which meant we had to roll our asses on out of bed and take hold of the new day we'd been given. "Let's do this thing" often crosses my mind. We've been weighing every morning. It's a new thing. I'm hating it. I can't report that we've lost any weight really. We're both working out. Lee is hitting the recumbent religiously and has been doing push-ups every morning. I have been jogging several days a week, spinning and doing my sit-ups (when I remember to). I've, also, attempted to add some free weights to my routine. PAIN! My upper body is in terrible condition apparently. I'll do some reps, and a couple of days later wonder who beat me the hell up. They're the devil, for sure. I'll be loving them again in a month or so though. Like butter. I'm ready to spruce up the house with new curtains. Need to find time to scan the fabric stores and find what I like....love. This house is such a mess right now. Spring fever has scattered my brain. Not that it wasn't already. I feel the need to apologize for my consistent lack of attention.

Joe Dirt is awesome. If you say you like the movie, but you don't grasp his upbeat philosophy, you're full of shit.

Very Weird Blog...Mostly Drivel

I have lots of opinions. I try to keep them to myself. Never ask me what I think on a subject unless you really want to know. I really wish I could keep my mouth shut on more subjects than I already do. When I was young, I didn't talk much. And, gosh, it's nice not to have to talk to people at work anymore. Working at Alfa wasn't so bad, there was always lots of work to do...always a customer coming in for service. Wait, that's not true, regardless of how busy one might be, there was occasionally an agent who wasn't busy, that wanted to get in your business, especially female agents. And at State Farm, busy or not, there was always someone leaning into your cubical, trying to get to know you. I sound like an old grouch. However, I was paid to be there working, not to entertain. There is a reason I'm like this. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but I'm still having nightmares that conjure up the emotions I had as a child when people, on purpose or not, made me feel bad about myself. I don't know what that means, or how it happens. An example would be of me standing in a group of people (girls) and everyone is involved in a conversation that I desperately want to be included in, but every time I open my mouth to speak, someone else talks over me or the topic has changed, they've moved on. I think I was just too slow and soft spoken, too, because if I ever did get a chance to get a word in edgewise, they must not have been able to hear me because I would just get a glance, if that. So, I was thought of as the quiet type. I hate being invisible, but I hate being noticed for being a bumbling idiot worse. And I hate these dreams that I keep having, that put me back in that awkward position. Why are these images of people from my past taunting me? Flashes of family, friends, co-workers, mere acquaintances even, rolling their eyes and smirking at one another, over how I look, something I've said, or the fact that I'm trying to be part of their group, I don't know. Don't you know that if I knew, I would have tried to fix it. Except you can't fix poor. Not when you're a kid, anyway. Thank goodness the grunge look was in when I went to college, and it was all the rage with the Montevallo art crowd, so I got a little reprieve. I blame this self-tormenting that I do on social networking. Haha! It's my fault but there must be something/someone else to blame, right? I log on and there they are, friends that I was never friends with, with their updated statuses. And there I am, not saying a thing, because I don't think I have anything worthwhile to say. This has to be why they are on my mind, in my dreams, and still treating me like I'm the invisible girl starring in a John Hughes film. I do wake up feeling like a nothing. Luckily, I can roll over and look at my dear beautiful Lee sleeping beside me and know it's not true. And then, around the time he leaves for work, I get a second reality check, a phone call from my angel of a friend, my seester, Robin; she likes a good '80's movies, though :D

So after rolling all this around in my head, I realize that I, simply, am who I am. And sometimes that means being that little kid in my dreams, and besides, I'm used to the strange looks I still manage to steal from people. One must never forget where they came from. Try. Bet you can't.

What To Do?

I'm fine after my crazy jog the other day. The IcyHot did the trick. I didn't run Wednesday, but got back on the track Thursday and Friday. I didn't push myself too hard. So, I'm rolling my ankle...no pain. I'm flexing my knee...no pain! Woohoo! I want to go hiking this weekend, but I can't seem to get Lee motivated today. Fine. I'll motivate him in the yard with a beer in his hand around noon. We need to finish taking down the railing and pergola on the back deck, for the addition of a metal roof. I can't frickin' wait to set that up like a new room to entertain. It's going to be a lot nicer out there this year. Over the past few years it's been too hot for me to lay out in the sun like I used to. The back deck is useless. I'm getting old. Give me a roof, a ceiling fan and a mint julep, please.

Mmmmm, Mint Juleps!

* 10 mint leaves, plus a sprig for garnish
* 1 1/2 teaspoons superfine sugar
* Seltzer water
* Crushed ice
* 2 1/2 ounces Jack Daniels

Directions

Place the mint leaves in the bottom of an old-fashioned glass and top with the sugar. Muddle these together until the leaves begin to break down. Add a splash of seltzer water, fill the glass 3/4 full with crushed ice, and add the bourbon. Top with another splash of seltzer, stir, and garnish with a sprig of mint. Serve immediately.

Oooohhh, Whiskey Sour! Want this one, too!

* 3/4 cup whiskey (recommended: Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey)
* 1/2 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice (4 lemons)
* 1/2 cup freshly squeezed lime juice (4 limes)
* 2/3 cup sugar syrup (see note)
* Ice cubes
* Maraschino cherries

Directions

Combine the whiskey, lemon juice, lime juice, and syrup. Fill a cocktail shaker halfway with ice and pour in the drink mix 2/3 full. Shake for 15 seconds and pour into glasses. Add a maraschino cherry and serve ice cold.

Note: To make the sugar syrup, bring 1 cup of water and 1 cup of sugar to a boil, and simmer until the sugar is completely dissolved. Chill before using.

Out With The New, In With The Old

I'm taking it easy today. I tried to hurt myself at the track yesterday, apparently. My knee and ankle were killing me last night. I broken open a packet of Icy Hot, I received it in a race goody bag and cut it in half for each ailment. Geez! I was trying out the pedometer Lee gave me. The stride is not set for jogging. Guess it doesn't adjust, like we thought it would. Now, we will be getting the wheel from Lee's office to see just how many laps it takes to get a mile in at the track. And to see how much punishment my left leg and ankle can take. I would have been fine, even though I pushed it jogging at least 15 laps trying to achieve 3 miles, but then my neighbor called to take me up on going to the track with me. Well, there is no way I was going to turn her down, when I am constantly trying to get someone to go with me. I knew I was in trouble when I began to walk down the hill leading from the parking lot to the track. I went ahead and walked 4, jogged two and walked one more. Foolish, but it was a still a great day. I can walk on it today and plan to piddle in the house so I hope to be fine for exercise tomorrow. Heading up stair to do some sewing. Didn't play up there yesterday and I missed it. Throwing on some laundry and going to soak some beef strips to make jerky for a hike this weekend, I hope. Got some black eye peas soaking. I love the smell of them soaking. Very fresh and earthy. Reminds me of being at Aunt Minnie's and Aunt Cora's house. Aunt Cora always had some peas or beans cooking. I swear they lived off of cornbread, buttermilk and peas. I enjoy looking my dried peas and beans. I gives me peace. Reminds me of hanging out with Mom-maw in her kitchen or on her front porch. We'd sit on the swing, and shell, and look, and swing. Usually when it was too hot to be in the kitchen. I remember anytime a breeze would come by, she'd consider it a blessing and thank Jesus for it. I like the choices Lee and I have made for the way we live. When we bought this place our goal was the simple life. The simple life is slow going. It's not take-out and frozen food very often. It's cooking most things in bulk for about 6 to 10 hours. Why? Because it's less expensive and it tastes so good. It keeps your grocery bill down below $100. It's some other things that aren't exactly done because it's cost efficient, just more about a feeling, like push mowing the grass some days instead of hopping on the riding mower. Hmm, the simple life is a lot of work, but it brings back warm memories.

Blogging Your Way Sane?

When I blog, I try my best to write exactly what I think, like nobody is reading. My blog is open to the public, I know anyone can read it. Sometimes I sprinkle a little sugar on it, just in case. If a family member pisses me off, it usually ends up in here....well, jumbled up somewhere in the mix of other things going on, anyway. I've noticed a change in me here lately. I hope it's for the better. I've realized that I may have been carrying around some shame or perhaps I've been hiding from my past, for many years. I never recognized it as shame before now. It's just been this week that it crossed my mind that I feel differently about myself. Back a couple of months ago, I had a rush of bad memories that kept me awake one night. I grabbed the laptop and just started typing. I let it all hang out. I think it freed me. I find myself leaving the house a little more these days. I enjoy running into people. I've suppressed a lot over the years. Have no recollection of some things and it's probably better that they stay buried. So often, a family member will say, "Remember when....?" Nope, not at all. I believe it happened. Not doubting them. I just slap don't remember. But thinking back, remembering how and why things happened the way they did, and being honest with myself about how some of it was my own fault really helped me.

Cheaha was awesome

It was a early Valentine's Day get-away. It was perfect. Just what I needed. I'd been going a little crazy over Mindy, so Lee got me away from everything for the weekend. We wanted a cabin, but they were booked...through April! So we took the honeymoon suite at the lodge. No, the room wasn't fabulous, but it was clean and it had a jacuzzi, which after a good scrub down with bleach, for my peace of mind, and the waiting game filling it up, we had a lovely couple of nights hanging out in it, drinking. We stocked the fridge in the room with plenty of beer. We brought it with us. I noticed the little convenience store had Budweiser (not Bud Light). We had breakfast at the restaurant each morning and Saturday night. The food was okay. PS it's a grit (top right)

The camp ground were cool. I want to camp next time we go. I was so jealous, driving though, looking at all the campers with their tents and fires. These folks had gorgeous views. Although, they do have a few pet friendly cabins, so if we need to bring the pups, we can.

We began with Bald rock Trail after breakfast, then took a connector to the Pinhoti, stopping at Blue Mtn Shelter. Later that afternoon we hiked Pulpit Rock Trail, which lands you on a side of the mountain overlooking a beautiful valley. The hike back has a steep incline that just about kicked our butts. Reminded us of the Lodge Trail at Guntersville, straight up. The next day we took the Pinhoti from the trailhead inside the park to the Blue Mtn Shelter. We didn't mind ending up in the same spot. It's a lovely site. Well, except for the fact that some obvious non-hikers stayed there the night before, got drunk on some cheap whiskey and left their trash behind. Bottles, paper and puke littered the area. And it looked like one of them purposely melted the fiberglass covering a map of trails with their lighter. Jerks. I bet it's real spooky out there at night in the middle of nowhere. I hope the little punks got scared.

I want to go back, I want to go back!

Bring Me Spring!

I love how quickly everything turns green, and how lush and bright the new growth is :)

I'm not going to get too excited and go ahead and start planting things. My green thumb knows it's boundaries. And never dismiss the fact that Mother Nature likes to throw in a March snow here and there. But, I am so ready to get out in the yard, this year! I love walking the yard, checking out what is coming back this year and how much bigger it has gotten. Momma says Pop-paw would get so excited he'd be caught gently scratching dirt back to see if something was growing that he'd planted. It is so cool to see something sprout from a seed. I feel so much better than I did last year. I had a really difficult time regulating my sugar last year. I did everything I could, through diet, to make myself better, but didn't get to feeling great again until I started running. I haven't had much time to get to the track here lately. I have been hiking and using the exercise bikes to keep fit. I hope to get to the track either tonight or tomorrow. I've been asked a lot if I've lost weight. Last time I got on the scales, I had actually gained weight, but my clothes are loose on me, so what do I care. I haven't asked it lately because a number doesn't mean much right now. I've noticed changes to my body. I have never had angles before. Maybe, my arms, a little. My legs are awesome, right now. I'm not bragging. Heck, I'm not even sure if they are my legs. They look foreign to me. I cut my leg shaving the other day and hollered for Lee to bring me a bandaid. As I tossed my foot on the sink so he could get to the nick below my knee, I noticed that my calf was flattened by the maneuver and I had developed several new leg muscles. Crap I didn't know was there to develop. After hiking this weekend, I noticed how my ankles are even changing. I've really been paying attention, trying to strengthen them, due to a tendon injury that seems to have finally healed. Off subject, rambling :) The yard, feel so good, lots of energy, can't wait! I want a roof on the back porch. It's just too damn hot to enjoy it out there these days. I believe it will also cut down on our cooling, bill-wise to not have the sun beating directly on the lower half of our house. I want it screened in with screen doors, but may have to wait until next year for that, unless I buy the materials and do it myself. The front porch needs a ceiling. I want to paint it haint blue, like people used to to ward off evil. I don't believe it, but I still enjoy the folksy sentiment. We need to decide on a gravel/rock to cover our mulch beds. I am so freaking sick of remulching every year. It's so much work and very dirty. Dirty for days, dirty. I may be pricey, but will pay off in a few years. We have been very happy with our river pebble path we created right after we bought this place. No maintenance in all these years! We want to plant some vines that actually produce grapes or muscadines. I need to prune the crepe myrtles and roses. I want to move the garden up closer to the house...I think. And, I plan on finishing that fence this spring. My window boxes are going to be sooo pretty this year! Hmmm, just remembered skeeters and ticks. Yuck! Not looking forward to them. Is too much Off harmful? Well, we're all gonna die of something, might as well be comfortable in the meantime.

Bitching about the vicious Alabama insects aside, here are a few of my favorite things, clockwise from the top left: Baby blue birds hatching from the houses we provide, Lee riding around the yard on his tractor, pciking our first ripe vegetables, and puppy dogs keeping me company on the porch when I take a break.

Some sewing, more snowing and much hiking

Thirty little birdies,
All ready to sew.
They'll be looking for somewhere to nest by the end of the week :)

Snow flakes top our Japanese Maple. Pretty :)

Ruby and Oliver in their snow covered jackets.
They both want to snuggle Lee. See Lee's new toy.

Beautiful snow covered oaks in our front yard.

Deer feeding in our back yard.

It's an ice hole.

I don't know why I like to take picture of holes in things.
You must know I'm weird...right?

If you fall of this trail that runs along the lake,
you're probably going to get wet...and hurt.

Me and my trust hound dog out on a fallen tree
off Seal Trail at Lake Guntersville State Park.

Sewing

Here's a pic of my little sister's curtains for her baby. I told her the fabric looks great in my kitchen. I can't wait to see them hanging in Charlie's room. They really are happy little curtains.

Boo-hiss

I'm trying to get it back together, but it's been difficult. My house has been a mess for weeks, my menu plans are thrown together and not my best efforts...I'm a mess and working really hard to move on. I dyed my hair dark. Why? Because when I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself. Didn't help. I still don't see Gina. I look rough, I feel rough. I'll feel better in the spring. I'm sure of it. I will have had time to heal and will be all caught up in gardening and yard projects. We discussed moving the garden a while back and I think it will be a good idea. It was getting too much shade last year and it needs to be on the other side of the house, out of sight from Mindy's grave or I'll be sobbing in the dirt for the first week of planting.

I feel old. Not like, physically, but mentally I feel my age. That hasn't been the case in the past. The 20 year class reunion was a reality check. So was the death of a pet that I've had for 15 years. I think the kicker is that I feel like I'm losing someone. It's no drama, just life. I am 38 and I feel 38 and I'm not embracing it. I have gray hair, dark circles under my eyes (anemia), thank goodness for the exercise because if I didn't recognize my body, I'd really be flipping the fuck out right now! Crap, I think I'm going through a hard-core identity crisis. Doesn't surprise me. I have a tendency to suppress most meltdowns and this one has been building up for a while. I'd say about 6 months. I'm sure it's all been chronicled in these blogs. PS I hate my hair. It's not it's fault.

Well, If That Don't Beat All

So, I was discussing Robin's shower with Allison today, when all of the sudden I got a friend request.....from Lesley. I'll be shit. She felt the need to give all her friends an explanation for blocking/deleting them, like they care. Yes, I accepted. She's my brat sister and I love her. The relentless photo taking and misconception that facebook is twitter has already begun, not that I thought it ever stopped. She still had a facebook, but it was only open to her punk-ass thugs and whores. Ugh! I will need to stay off facebook now. I can't take it. I just don't want to see her foolishness. I will just change my notifications to alert me through email if I have a fb message, instead of logging in every morning to check. No biggie.

Cabin Fever Crazy Quilt

I have not left the house since Saturday. I can go several days without going anywhere, especially if I'm messing around in the yard. In the summertime, I usually only manage to leave the house once a week to get groceries. Suits me just fine to hang out on the porch, mow the lawn, play in the dirt. Being couped up makes me crazy. We had some sex, played xbox, built a snowman, played xbox, snuggled dogs, ate all the food in the house and then, I pieced a quilt. I drug Lee up to my sewing room and made him pick out nine fabrics he could live with to make it. I made him do the math, to help me decide how large the blocks should be to make the monstrosity. I've always wanted a quilt that would not just fit our king-size bed, but drape down the sides and foot. I did it! It's width is 10.5 ft wide and 8.5 ft long and I haven't added the border yet. Insane! But gorgeous and what I've always wanted to do. I began a pin wheel quilt about 10 years ago. The squares were small, I didn't have a machine back then and it's in an Americana theme that I could just never use in my bedroom. Perhaps I will make some throw pillows with them or something. I'm finishing this quilt today! I started it Tuesday night. I went into it without high expectations. About every other project I these days gets tossed aside halfway through. I love redecorating my bedroom. Back when I worked I bought a new bedding set twice a year. They are all over my house. I have so many that some are stored between Robin and Eric's mattress and box springs in their bedroom upstairs. If you want to say I hoard bedding, that would be true. I don't "collect" one other thing. I still have the comforter that my mom and dad bought in high school. Prior to that I'd always shared a bed with someone. But when I asked for a room in the basement, and they obliged, I got my first comforter. Hooked! It is a very fluffy peach twin, with a large peach eyelet ruffle. Love! It doesn't fit any bed I own, but I usually drape it across something. I have given some bedding away over the years. I'm not stingy, but I always want the bedding to go to a good home and be loved. Okay, that sounds nuts. And being that I can describe all my bedding in detail makes me think I may have a problem. Whatever. Mommaw had all kinds of quilts stored and my Grandmother Lois loves her pretty bedding, too. I come by it honestly. Can't wait to make a chunky quilt with a combination of bright green and grey blocks, splashes of cream, too, for our room this spring. Lovely! Who needs a quilt?

Here's a pic. It definitely needs quilting. Right now it's just acting as a duvet. I'm not feeling the curtains, lol, I will have to decided which ones to use. Love the pattern. Not sure about my decision to used satin, although it was easy to work with. While neutral is nice, some of this just isn't working for me. The next one will be tweaked for sure.

Resolutions

I don't really make them anymore. I've just about given up all my vices...to the point that I am a terrible bore. Hell, I don't even know why I blog anymore. So I was reading an article in my Southern living this morning, explaining why southern men should resolve, and I wondered if I should have made a resolution. I don't really feel like causing myself undue stress with a resolution that would benefit others, such as being on time. Hmmm, that would be a good one. I've been late most of my life. I missed the school bus all the time, had to trick myself with an incorrectly set alarm clock in order to get to work on time...not early, just by the hair of my neck, and am usually late to every family event 30 minutes to an hour. I'm not a morning person and I'm OCD, in a funny way I think, not in a crazy, debilitating way. When the making it to work by the skin of my teeth got to bothering me, I would just begin trying to make it to work 30 minutes early. I should begin prepping for Lee's breakfast and lunch the night before. Not the eggs, just the meat and lunch. Okay, so I resolve to think ahead, because my brain doesn't work well in the morning.

I refuse to put restrictions on the food I eat or what I drink because I already have to watch that. I don't eat sugar. I limit my carbs. I don't drink like I used to, like I like to, because it messes with my blood sugar levels and most of the time I end up a very mean drunk. One minute I'm smiling, laughing, then I'm mad about nothing and calling someone an asshole during a blackout. Blackouts are scary as hell. If I had a deep dark secret, you could probably ask me, I'd tell the absolute truth and not have the slightest recollection. I remember the first time it happened, in Memphis, I woke up not being able to recall showering, making Lee hang my clothes, and having sex with him. All my idea, I'm sure. The last thing I remember is getting in the cab to leave the martini bar, sort of. I gained the rest of the information by asking Lee questions beginning with "Why..." Why is my hair wet? Why are my panties hanging up? ....you get the picture.

I think I will wear bras this year. I hate the damn things. Mostly because they don't fit me. I have a drawer full of Very Sexy bras in various colors from when I weighed more. They don't fit now. My boobs shrunk. I lost the fatty inches around my ribs. They just slide around and annoy me. I didn't see a need in buying new bras for the longest time after I quit work and lost weight. Recently I've found some sports bras that fit. It's difficult to find one that will slide over my boobs but will still be tight around my ribs.

I will throw out things we don't need. I will find something to take to Goodwill, or just trash if I don't think anyone would need it, every week. There's a resolution. It will make our home a better place to live and perhaps help others, too.

I will turn off the tv after Live with Regis & Kelly goes off, because Rachel Ray sucks me in and, then, I look up to find that I've been listening to the useless bullshit Dr Oz and his quack guests are filling people's heads with while I'm finishing up my blog. I like Rachel, but it seems that she is the gateway show to Dr. Oz. Dr. Oz is creepy.