Boo-hiss

I'm trying to get it back together, but it's been difficult. My house has been a mess for weeks, my menu plans are thrown together and not my best efforts...I'm a mess and working really hard to move on. I dyed my hair dark. Why? Because when I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself. Didn't help. I still don't see Gina. I look rough, I feel rough. I'll feel better in the spring. I'm sure of it. I will have had time to heal and will be all caught up in gardening and yard projects. We discussed moving the garden a while back and I think it will be a good idea. It was getting too much shade last year and it needs to be on the other side of the house, out of sight from Mindy's grave or I'll be sobbing in the dirt for the first week of planting.

I feel old. Not like, physically, but mentally I feel my age. That hasn't been the case in the past. The 20 year class reunion was a reality check. So was the death of a pet that I've had for 15 years. I think the kicker is that I feel like I'm losing someone. It's no drama, just life. I am 38 and I feel 38 and I'm not embracing it. I have gray hair, dark circles under my eyes (anemia), thank goodness for the exercise because if I didn't recognize my body, I'd really be flipping the fuck out right now! Crap, I think I'm going through a hard-core identity crisis. Doesn't surprise me. I have a tendency to suppress most meltdowns and this one has been building up for a while. I'd say about 6 months. I'm sure it's all been chronicled in these blogs. PS I hate my hair. It's not it's fault.