My Name Is Gina, And I'm A Social Retard

Yes, it's so true. I don't know how I got to be so strange. I am so happy just being at home, all by myself. It was an adjustment, sure, after working in insurance, dealing with co-workers and customers all those years. I was was excellent with customer service, but a monkey can do that. All you have to do is figure out what works to keep you from being yelled out, and yet still get what you need from the conversation, and use it as a formula. That's Office 101 for dorks :) Yes, you begin to sound like a broken record to the co-workers around you, but you may, also, begin to hear them copy your technique...I did. "Thank you for calling ___________ . This is Gina. How may I help you?" still haunts the halls of the offices of the two insurance companies I worked for. Spooky, huh?

I have no idea how to undo the dorkiness. Since I quit work and spend a lot of time alone now, it seems to have gotten worse. I constantly find myself apologizing for sticking my foot in my mouth. Just the other day, I was on the phone with my mom and she was complaining about something one of my sisters said or did and my response was, "You raised her." Whoops. I immediately apologized, but it's true. I often wonder what she says about me. I've asked my sisters and the only thing they will admit to is what I already suspected. She thinks I drink too much. Surprise! And I agree. Off topic. So, at 38 I think the situation may be hopeless. If I didn't have a beer before most social occasions, I just slap wouldn't attend. Clarity is not my friend. Although, a drink too many and I'll either try to get too friendly or kick someones ass. The shorter the event, the better. Sometimes, when people speak to me and I don't know how to respond, I just stare at them. I'm a deer in headlights. Scared to move. I find myself doing it more and more. GET CONTROL OF YOURSELF, GINA! Whatever, I'm sure it's for the best that they think I may be a bitch, than to open my mouth and remove all doubt. Or even scarier say something that resembles broken English or an incomprehensible stream of words...flat out babble, yikes!

So now it's time for my 20 year class reunion. An occasion I have no intention of drinking at because of my inability to maintain a stable buzz, thanks to the sugar d's, so I'm sure to open my mouth and say something that will offend someone....or most everyone. Maybe I can just sit and smile. I have bumped in to classmates in Cleveland in the past few years, and God help me, I'm sure they will be avoiding me like the plague based on those experiences. I can imagine myself praying that nobody notices me, so I don't have to interact with anyone. I am such a weirdo!